Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
