You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
