I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
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