I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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