I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
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