i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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