Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
