They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
