I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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