Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Randomize
