I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
