It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
