I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Randomize
