I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
