i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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