Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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