Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He did a backflip because drugs
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
