Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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