1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
