Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Randomize
