great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
