How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
