My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
