I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
