my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize