I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
