She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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