I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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