But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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