I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
