So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
