Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
How naked do you want me to be?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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