sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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