love makes seman taste better
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
