a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize