I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
