Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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