I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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