Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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