no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
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