new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
