Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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