Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
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