It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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