when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize