i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
