I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Randomize
