Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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