On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
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