I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
