R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
