I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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