it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Randomize
