Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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