I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Randomize
