When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize