I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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