im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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