Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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