Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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