What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
