if i died would you start the facebook group?
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
