Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
