You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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