I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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