My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
