she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
