you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Randomize
