So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
