the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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