Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Soap is not a condiment
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Randomize
