im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
