I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Randomize
