Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
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