So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Randomize
