Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
